A difficult week.

I had booked the first week of January off work, as I felt I needed a break from being an enabler. I turned my work phone off and tried not to think about it too much. So on Monday I turned my phone on again and immediately fell back into phone calls, paperwork and worries relating to my job. I was feeling under pressure straight away.

On Tuesday I was thinking I cant do this anymore.... its too much for me to cope with.... I m feeling a bit fed up and worn out.

I visited 2 participants in the morning and in the afternoon I drove out to see a lady who I had been supporting for about a year. When I arrived at the house, I was told by her family that she had passed away a few days before. Understandably, they had nt yet informed my office.

This news was very upsetting. I had seen her just before Christmas and she had told me how a few years ago she had done a similar job to mine... and how she thought it was so worthwhile and important that I was doing my best to support people. She also gave me a lovely Christmas card with a handwritten message inside thanking me for my kindness over the past year.

Her death has made me stop and think about my job and to remember why I have been doing it for the past 5 and a half years. I think I had lost track of what its all about.

I will go back to 3 days a week and try and enjoy the job a bit more.

I am thinking about my participant and her family. She was very kind and very brave. And I will remember her encouragement of me as an enabler. x